Distance. Star Wars: Thrawn/Pellaeon

Pellaeon had begun making a conscious effort to avoid Grand Admiral Thrawn as much as his duties as Captain allowed. It was hard work, trying to play a one-sided game of 'keep away' with the man whom he had to report to every few hours with some new bit of information.

It had to be done though, he decided. Especially after he realized that he was beginning to enjoy his short, strictly business talks with the Imperial warlord just a little too much. He hadn't even noticed it at first until one of the younger officers had brought it up.

'You just seem so much younger when he's around, sir,' The off duty officer had said with a relaxed laugh. Pellaeon had reprimanded him right then, reminding him of just who he was talking too and about and had returned to commanding the Star Destroyer's bridge, thinking that that would be that.

Things are rarely that simple, the Captain soon began to realize.

That sentence stuck with Pellaeon, confusing him for a while. He would often find himself lying on his bed, trying to work out exactly what the other man had meant by that seemingly harmless sentence. It wasn't until a couple of days later when he finally realized what the other had meant.

"Captain," He heard in an easily recognizable voice. Pellaeon turned, watching as the Admiral walked up beside him. "Have you heard anything from intelligence yet?"

"No sir, not yet," He replied calmly, despite the sudden thundering of his heart. "If I do you will be the first to know."

He expected that to be it, having answered the Admiral's question. The other man however had had other ideas. Thrawn nodded, looking over the bridge's crew with a cold glance.

"The crew has been a bit restless lately," He said and Pellaeon felt his stomach drop. Was the Admiral... trying to make conversation?

He swallowed his mounting nervousness and replied, hoping that the crack in his voice wasn't as obvious to his superior as it was to him. "They want a fight sir. It has been surprisingly long since the Rebellion has tried anything."

He heard Thrawn hum softly before responding. "Not too surprisingly. Not after Bilbringi."

Pellaeon's face contorted into a look of surprise before he quickly regained his composure. Glancing at the Admiral to make sure he hadn't seen the change of expression he swallowed, coughing into his fist. A conversation starter and a joke? "It was a rather impressive victory. They'll be desperate to correct it, however."

Thrawn turned his head and looked directly at him, watching him for a moment. Pellaeon glanced over towards him, his eyes meeting the other man's before he quickly looked away. He cleared his throat again, feeling his heart speed up in his chest. Whatever the Grand Admiral was thinking he had favored Pellaeon with not telling him that day. Instead, in usual Thrawn fashion, he opted for subtlety.

"When that happens we will be ready." He tilted his head slightly, his tone changing just a bit. "Unless, of course, you think that there is a problem that needs to be fixed."

Pellaeon froze, automatically weighing those words in his head. He could tell Thrawn was trying to get something across to him; he just wasn't entirely sure what. A moment later Pellaeon felt himself tense as he finally decided what the Admiral was getting at.

It was indirect, he would give the other man that, but he could still almost hear the 'Are you okay?' that was buried underneath everything else as he ran the sentence over in his mind. If he had heard wrong then he was clearly overestimating the Admiral. And it was a rare day when the Captain found himself doing that.

"I can assure you Admiral, there is no issue that I can think of," He said, looking back to the blue skinned man after he had calmed down his panicking heart a bit. 'Yes, I am quite fine.'

He hadn't worked under the elusive man without picking up a bit of his habits himself.

The Grand Admiral examined Pellaeon carefully after that, glancing over his face with a straight, relaxed expression. There was a certain glimmer in his red eyes that made the Captain suddenly self-conscious though. He suppressed a shudder, but just barely.

He knew that the alien was capable of knowing a person's entire psychological make-up just based on their race's artwork. Now he wondered if he was capable of more by studying the person themselves. Forcing himself to stand still he endured the probing eyes until Thrawn blinked and looked back towards the bridge. He looked slightly satisfied with himself though, which made the Captain's mouth go dry.

After another pause Thrawn spoke up again, wishing him well and telling him that he would be returning to his command chamber. He nodded in response, returned the professional good bye and felt a sudden weight lift from his shoulders as the man left his side.

That night, once again lying in bed awake, it had finally occurred to him what exactly had happened and what that younger officer had meant.

Eventually he had been able to get over his initial embarrassment over his apparent attraction towards his superior. The next emotion that cropped up, a horrid dread that settled in his stomach that wouldn't stop asking 'Does he know?' was significantly harder to overcome.

Mostly because he was sure that Thrawn knew something was wrong.

And a week later, much to the Pellaeon's dismay, Thrawn sent for him.

A stormtrooper caught his attention, notifying the Captain that the Grand Admiral wanted to see him in his command room. Pellaeon had thanked the trooper for the notification, despite the sudden free-fall feeling he got in his stomach. As much as he would rather put off the meeting and continue pretending that the blue skinned man didn't exist, he was his commanding officer and the only hope that the Empire had at victory. To just say no to that kind of power would probably end in a death sentence- even for him.

With a soft sigh he turned and started making his way towards the Admiral's command room, every step making his stomach sink lower and his heart patter a bit faster. He tried to control the turmoil of emotions with little success. It was a bit more than just embarrassing for the older man. He was a Captain of the Imperial Navy and had worked in the Empire for fifty years. To suddenly develop something as ridiculous as a crush on a superior officer was not only beyond appropriate but also the apparent obviousness of it served as a serious blow to his confidence in his discipline.

Too quickly for his comfort, he arrived at the command room doors, wishing that something, anything would happen that would give him cause to turn away from the door and rush back to the Star Destroyer's bridge.

He suddenly straightened, hands moving to smooth out his uniform. Enough, he told himself. This is stupid and the longer I put this off the worse it will be. I'm a blasted grown man for Force sake! Besides, as far as I know the Grand Admiral is straight.

Up until recently he had been quite firm in his own heterosexual preferences as well.

The attempt at a pep talk did little to calm him as he spoke. "It's Pellaeon, sir. You wanted to see me?"

The doors opened quickly before him and he swallowed, stepping into the other room. Surprisingly, the Admiral's Noghri bodyguard was nowhere to be seen and he walked through the room to the second set of doors without incident. They opened just as he stepped up to them. Setting his back straight he stepped forwards, the doors shutting behind him and closing him in the dim room. Highlighted artwork of all kinds scattered the room but the Admiral was looking past all of them at Pellaeon. Thrawn sat in the replicated command chair, leaning over to the right, his chin propped up on his hand. Pellaeon gulped as the other studied him in the dim light, becoming quickly uncomfortable under the man's scrutiny.

After want seemed like forever Thrawn sat up and let his hand drop. "Captain," he began and then stopped, seeming to ponder something. "Captain, may I call you Gilad?" He suddenly finished, making Pellaeon further stiffen. What the hell?

"You may, sir, but... why...?"

"I feel that your first name will be more appropriate for the conversation we are about to have."

Oh please no. "Ah, I see."

Thrawn looked him over again. "Please relax Gilad, there is no reason to be nervous."

"Nervous?" Pellaeon repeated, his mouth forming a sneer. "I am not nervous sir."

"Of course," Thrawn said easily, waving a dismissive hand. "You just have the look of a man facing death for other reasons, I'm sure."

Pellaeon opened his mouth but quickly shut it, almost afraid of what would come out.

Thrawn continued, speaking calmly. It was quite a contrast to the sudden panic Pellaeon seemed incapable of pulling himself out of. "I have been studying your art, Gilad. Corellian art, to be exact." Waving a hand in a precise motion he brought the Captain's attention to the many paintings and sculptures around the room. Now that he was actually looking at them he realized that he recognized many of the works. "As I have said before Gilad, you can learn quite a bit of information about a person just by studying their people's art and its evolution. Corellian artworks, for example," Thrawn stood, glowing eyes never wavering from the Captain. "Are rather well known throughout the galaxy, and highlight many trademarks of Corellian personalities; such as their brash behavior," He began walking towards Pellaeon, his slow, measured steps punctuating what he was saying. "Their extreme sense of independence," his pace neither slowed nor sped up and Pellaeon was fighting a severe urge to take a step back. "And, of course, their ability to lash out effectively when placed in situations of extreme discomfort." He finally stopped, having long ago stepped into the Captain's comfort bubble. The other was close enough for Pellaeon to feel the heat coming off of his body, only a couple of inches of space separating the two men. "And yet you are not lashing out." Thrawn finally said thoughtfully, more to himself than to the other man.

Pellaeon swallowed. "Sir, if you called me down here for some reason..."

"I did, Gilad, do not worry. I sent for you to see if you would like to be honest for a moment."

"'Honest?'" Pellaeon said, frowning at what he heard. "Sir, if you are insinuating that I have lied to you-"

"Not in the least Gilad," Thrawn said, voice still unbelievably calm. "I'm simply asking you to make up your mind."

The air suddenly grew cold for Pellaeon. "Make up my mind about what, sir?" He asked slowly.

"About how you feel about me," Thrawn answered, holding up hand a to stop the Captain's sudden sputtering. "Gilad, I know you have been ignoring me and I know why. I also know that you are embarrassed about these feelings and I can assure you that you have no reason to be."

"And why is that sir?" He asked, more out of habit than anything else.

Thrawn smiled vaguely. "Because your feelings are very much reciprocated."

What? Suddenly Pellaeon's mind shut down, unable to process what the Admiral was insinuating. Lacking brainpower, he quickly allowed emotion to take over. "Sir," he said harshly. "If this is some sort of game, some sort of test, then it is not appreciated. I will be the first to admit that my ignoring you may not have been the best solution but I can certainly fix it without all of this."

Thrawn watched him, his face a calm visage of neutrality as Pellaeon tried- and failed- to grasp control over his emotions. "This isn't a test, Gilad," He finally said. "I agree that your decision was not the best you could have made but it is not yet impacting the crew. However with time it will and with the threat of the Rebellion looming we have no choice but to make sure that everything, and everyone, will be in optimal condition. I want you to decide whether you are able to overcome these feelings or accept them."

Pellaeon stared at the other man, a part of him refusing to believe what he just heard. "Sir, why...?"

"Because as I said before Gilad, you are not alone in your emotions. As much as I would prefer to tell you that I am doing this strictly for the well-being of the crew I would be lying, as I am giving into my own personal needs rather than the Empire's. Quite frankly," He leaned forward a bit, and Pellaeon tried to ignore the way Thrawn's warm breath ghosted over his face and the way it made him shiver. "I'm getting tired of waiting."

"M-May I have some time to think on it sir?"

"Of course you may, though I would rather you did not."

"Why is that, sir?"

"I am afraid that you may not choose the answer I would prefer."

Pellaeon absorbed this along with everything else. He let the words sink in before he licked across his lips and swallowed. Oh, what the hell, he thought, it's not like I have a lot to lose anyway. "I think I'll make my decision now, sir."

"Oh," Thrawn said, arching an eyebrow at him. "And why would that be?"

"Because, I am afraid that if I think about it I may not choose the answer I would prefer."

He watched as the other smiled- not a smirk, not a small upward twitch of the corners of his mouth, a real smile. As much as Pellaeon knew he should be wary about the sudden show of human emotion he found himself more drawn to the pair of pale blue lips than repelled.

He stood still as Thrawn raised his hands, cupping the Captain's face. He watched Pellaeon for a second, as if making sure the other wasn't about to turn around and take off before glancing down to his mouth. The Admiral hummed and brushed a thumb over his lips, raising his red eyes back up to meet the Captain's. "May I?" He asked quietly.

"Of course," Pellaeon murmured back in response. Giving the other a small nod in response, Thrawn leaned forward, tilting his head as he did so. Pellaeon felt Thrawn's thumb move from his lips to where the rest of the blue man's hand rested on his cheek and a pair of soft lips soon replace the digit. He heard Thrawn moan quietly, slowly letting his eyelids fall shut as he relaxed into the other. Pellaeon found himself doing much the same, taking a small step forwards and wrapping his arms around Thrawn's waist. The two stood there, only the occasional sound of clothing being moved by a shifting hand filling the room.

Finally, a sudden wet pressure slid across Pellaeon's lips, making him jerk away from the other and stare at him wide-eyed. Thrawn blinked, clearing his throat. "Sorry," He said, a hint of embarrassment entering his tone. Pellaeon gave the other a small understanding nod, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed himself. It was just a bit unnerving, seeing the Admiral in such a state.

"It's fine, sir," He said, unable to stop his own tongue from darting out and licking across his now wet lips. "I should be heading back to the bridge anyway. Tschel is probably wondering what I'm doing."

He nodded. "Understandable. I hope you know that I will be expecting you later, though, Captain?"

Pellaeon nodded, fighting a blush. Thrawn looked over him once and he slowly, almost begrudgingly, pulled himself away from the other man. Pellaeon let him go, returning his own arms back to his sides. "I suppose I can come back after my shift, sir?"

"That will be fine. I'll be looking forward to it," Thrawn said and turned around, walking back towards his chair. Pellaeon had to tear his eyes away from the Admiral, taking this as his cue to leave, and began walking towards the exit of the secondary command room.

"Captain," he heard and quickly turned back towards the now seated alien.

"Yes, Admiral?"

Thrawn smiled faintly at him again. "During these interactions, you may call me Thrawn if you'd prefer it."

Pellaeon returned the smile with one of his own and turned back around, leaving the room.